So it seems that alot of different things have been happening to the ppl around me lately.....some good, some not so good, but mostly good!  My friend B'Ann got her single on the radio!! HOW AWESOME IS THAT?!  So be listening...also, a long lost high school friend has been trying to reach me for quite some time apparently, well, she just had her second baby! And her brother got married to another high school friend....all great things, but why is it making me think sooo much about life in general?  Is this a sign of things to come, am I making the right choices in MY life? Am I missing out on something? Is something of greatness in store soon for ME? or am I just being immature and selfish?........

It's funny how those few ppl that totally FUCKED you over and over and over until you finally just got out are the ppl you miss the most!! WHY IS THAT?......anybody.....Bueller....Bueller....oh well.... I don't know, I've spent my entire spring break stuck in college station, kinda sucked, but wasn't too bad I guess...considering I'm going to have a BAD ASS paycheck....but I've had a lot of time to sit back and evaluate my life, myself, my "friends", and a majority of my choices.....

My conclusion...I think I just need to back away from everything for a while....some "friends" are better than others....there are those that pretend to your face but truly could careless....there are those that depend on you for everything in life because they can't make their own decisions...there are those who poor their entire life story play by play everyday but don't seem to have the time in reverse to listen...and there are those who trust you with everything, but you just can't seem to trust in return.....and there are those that just want to listen to you for a short period of time and spend the rest of the time criticizing your every mistake, bump in the road, flaw, spelling error, etc.....or is this just me....I have a large amount of TRULY wonderful friends...but how many of them don't fit into one of these categories and are simply a FRIEND!! Someone I can call at 4 in the morning just to talk to because something is wrong personally and they don't bitch about it, or can sit in an empty room in silence and still have a great time?.....sadly the number is less than the number of fingers I use to type.......

I know several of the ppl who read this will probably either not actually read it in it's entirity or will take every bit of this personal....but it's not meant to....it's simply a last resort to get things off my chest...I still love and appreciate dearly the friends I have been blessed with and those to come....but it's been something on my mind for quite some time....

There are a few ppl that I have gotten closer with this semester and couldn't be more greatfull for them, they have truly made an impact in my life..there are only 3...sadly, and hopefully you know who you are....if not...don't worry, i appreciate all you do!!!

If i've seemed a little distant recently or become distant...again nothing personal, just need to do a ton of thinking and prioritizing!!  More studying and focusing on getting out of A&M and into med/grad school....sorry, parties aren't on the top of the list everyweekend anymore....(get ready for August 11 though...weekend o' alcohol in college station, and the next weekend is a Road Trip to Dallas to party it up there....anyone is welcome to attend either...)

Alright...well I guess if i want ppl to actually read al lof this, I should stop ranting for a little bit....

OK, so the first spring tour is over!!! Thank God!! I'm dead beat tired, but of course I had to check the emails and such....

Well, I was reading someones xanga and came across this little quiz....tell me what you think...does it match me?

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#999999" align=center>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
<strong>Your Eyes Should Be Violet</strong>
</font></td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#CCCCCC">
<center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyoureyesbequiz/violet.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center>
<font color="#000000">
Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure<br />
<br />
What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion
</font></td></tr></table>
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyoureyesbequiz/">What Color Should Your Eyes Be?</a></div>

Along with that, I took the little "candy" saying quiz....I think this one matches...

<table width=350 align=center border=0 cellspacing=0 cellpadding=2><tr><td bgcolor="#EEEEEE" align=center>
<font face="Georgia, Times New Roman, Times, serif" style='color:black; font-size: 14pt;'>
<strong>Your Candy Heart Says "First Kiss"</strong>
</font></td></tr>
<tr><td bgcolor="#FFFFFF">
<center><img src="http://images.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourcandyheartsayquiz/first-kiss.jpg" height="100" width="100"></center>
<font color="#000000">
You're a true romantic who brings an innocent hope to each new relationship.<br />
You see the good in every person you date, and you relish each step of falling in love.<br />
<br />
Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a romantic dinner your sweetie cooks for you<br />
<br />
Your flirting style: friendly and sweet<br />
<br />
What turns you off: cynics who don't believe in romance<br />
<br />
Why you're hot: you always keep the romance alive
</font></td></tr></table>
<div align="center"><a href="http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourcandyheartsayquiz/">What Does Your Candy Heart Say?</a></div>

So now that I'm back to once a month updates....let me just VENT a little....well not really!

Things have been different lately, alot of which I don't think I quite understand, some I'm sure I'm not supposed to, but that's the stuff I really wish I understood......if that makes sense to anyone who reads this!

I really have a great group of friends who are allways available for me when I'm having issues, but unfortunately, this one's just too much! (sorry guys)

I know in time things work out, and everything happens for a reason; but at the same time it just drives you crazy! 

REGRET, EMBARRASSMENT, STUPIDITY, SHAME, YOU NAME IT, IT'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD RIGHT NOW!

Don't worry, I'll be fine once I can just not think about life and just enjoy it! I think deep down inside all of us, the small things we do really make a difference on those around us. No matter what "influences" us, I think the things we do are on purpose and were ment to happen.  Don't know why.....but I do......

Currently Listening Rent (2005 Movie Soundtrack) see related

OK, so I really can't explain the emotion I'm in right now because it seems to be a mixture of several.  I don't know why, but everything lately has hit me extremely hard and honestly I don't have a clue as to why or where the hell it's coming from.

   So as I mentioned in my last little tid-bit, I got to go to Houston for New Years with Michael to visit our friend Johnathan.  Well we were set for a four day adventure with one another until the sunday morning when Johnathan asked when we planned on leaving, well ummm the 4th as planned was my first thought, and then he mentions that he didn't actually tell his mom until the night before, well for some reason there are issues that need to be smoothed out that I don't quite understand but long story short, we got back in town this afternoon.  The whole time we were there, I felt almost if I shouldn't have been, I know Michael and Johnathan would say otherwise, but it's still the feeling I got.  It was an extremely awkward two days but fun nonetheless.

     While in Houston we saw "Brokeback Mountain". Phenominal movie, a slight long, but an amazing cinematic piece. The only thing is of course, it made think extremely hard about alot of things, not just one or two inparticular.  I can still see bit's of the movie running back and forth in my head so vividly.  I don't quite know why, because never before has a movie done that before.  Frankly, it's kind of frightning.  I don't know if all of this is just stress or what, but it's really taking a tole on me right now.

Life is ment to be a challenge I think, otherwise we'd all be just alike with no true "experience" or stuff like that.  Our mind is ment to wander for if not we wouldn't have great scholars and such. But I'll be darned, can I please have a break!! Just for a day or so...a day to just live!!!

Every little comment I take so freakin' litterally, because 1). it comes from someone who normally doesn't say stuff like that, or 2). it just seems to be sooo unexpected at the time. I think I'm just going through a "period"...(for those of you who listen should know what I mean by that, for those that don't, well I'm sorry, just bear with me for now)

Ok, well only like 2 ppl actually read this so I hope it makes sense, I just needed to write something somewhere to kind of help get things off my mind.

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, DON'T RESPOND TO THIS, ADD A COMMENT OR ANYTHING OF THE SORT. In advance I appreciate it, but I simply just need to deal with this alone.  I know you care, trust me I know, but this one is on me.